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Straight - pun intended - at the beginning of the new year, we bring you a review of the most phallic centered album of 2010 (apart from the porn grind bands everyone laughs about but no one listens to of course). Coming from the feminine footwear of Europe, Nanowar Of Steel have set out to tickle the jewels of true metal warriors around the globe, riding their ponies and swinging their bloodied tampons as they go. Exposing the cross-dressing tendencies of modern power metal, this is surely the gayest metal album since the latest Manowar release.
On their horny pink crusade they sing about the most lovely things, including, but not limited to: the homosexual exploits of a certain Luka Turillee [for legal reasons the reviewer is not allowed to voice his suspicions who the band is really singing about], girls who surprisingly turn out to have "more" than expected, seas of monarchical blood (the royal menstruation cycle), Italian things I do not understand but which I'm sure are really naughty and - I saved the most exciting for last - showers of gold. In addition to that they also made us some exciting, rather anal versions of classics such as Wonderful World, Another Brick In The Wall, some Rhapsody Of Fire songs and more.
Talking about the music, it was obviously composed to seduce burly, loincloth wearing men with markedly impressive chest hair growth. Apart from the aphrodisiac pheromone function it's not all too special though. Your standard power metal fare, the same kind of music the band is constantly making fun of. Not bad, but not amazing either and certainly not novel, that would kind of defeat the point of this CD.
In terms of pure humorist quality there are definitely better releases, but most of them aren't metal and aren't released by power metal bears, fairies, princesses, daddies, drag queens, twinks or sailors. On a more serious note: I believe that many metalheads really do take themselves, the music they listen to and the heavy metal image way too serious and I applaud any well-informed attempt at making fun of this 'phenomenon'.
ULTRA-IMPORTANT FOOTNOTE: I don't have any problems whatsoever with homosexuals and anything that might have sounded homophobic was not to be taken serious. However I love political incorrect humor, in fact it's my favorite. And if anything in this review personally upsets you, you now know that you shouldn't listen to this album anyway.
