Interview - Metal Covenant

Italy's own perverse Manowar and Rhapsody Of Fire parody persuaders NanowaR Of Steel did it, and they are back, and up our ass with their new album - 'Into Gay Pride Ride ' - a bevy of True Metal anthems guaranteed to dwarf the competition and have the listener pissing himself.

I willingly interviewed the band to promote their new album. Like Bill and Ted, these masters of pizza believe in being excellent to each other, and partyin' all day. Christ, you got have fun! With acts like Manowar losing momentum, these forest of mineral dwellers will have you harping back to better times, cracking a smile, a cold beer, and perhaps even calling the number of the bitch.

MettleAngel: The new album is awesome. This is what Manowar used to sound like in the glorious '80s.

• Abdul: Yes, we embody the power, and the spirit of the power, and the spirit of iron.
  

MettleAngel: You seem like Lich King with their verbose song, " Attack Of The Wrath Of The War Of The Death Of The Strike Of The Sword Of The Blood Of The Beast"! It also seems like you are heavily influenced by 'Kings Of Metal', even if the title of the album - 'Into Gay Pride Ride' - is a silly parody of 'Into Glory Ride'.

• Baffo: We are the Spirit of Metal! We are young, we are strong, we are not looking for where we belong. We embody words like Power, Metal, Steel, Iron, Onanism, Slim-Fast, New World Odor and BLOWJUMP!
  

MettleAngel: What the fuck is a BLOWJUMP! By the term onanism, I assume you mean withdrawal of the penis in sexual intercourse, so that ejaculation takes place outside the vagina; otherwise known as coitus interruptus.With Manowar running out of ideas, like covering "Heaven & Hell" after Dio died, and now in the studio re-recording 'Battle Hymns', do you feel the band embody the True Spirit Of Metal, even if you do it in a humorous manner?

• Uinona Raider: May The Steel be with you my friend, this is a poseur's question. Manowar rules now more than ever! Well...maybe... (Gatto): I totally agree with Uinona! ManowaR rock now more than ever. I think that publishing 45 triple DVDs, re-recording their older albums, then publishing new ones once every five years, and recording 23 times the same song in different languages, is indeed is a symptom of increased artistic inspiration.
  

MettleAngel: Surely you are being a bit sarcastic. With the success of acts like Steel Panther, Massacration, and Beatallica all poking fun at Metal, but playing with true talent and mettle hearts, how do you feel Nanowar Of Steel fits into this genre of spoof acts, all carrying the torch for Spinal Tap?

• Abdul: Our torches are our swords, and our swords are made of flesh. We shake them every night, holding them, proudly with our right hands.
  

MettleAngel: Is this because your metal is so strong, 'cos your dick are so long, dangling out of your true metal underpants?

• Gatto: Well, well, well, my friend, I have to tell you that we are indeed a serious band! We are really gay homosexuals and we do believe that singing "Metal Of The Power Of The Steel Of The Fight" is awesome, without any kind of irony.
  

MettleAngel: Fair enough, I suppose. The new album is very diversified musically. In the past you have explored other genres of music. Case in point, on the 'Made In Naples' release you had such songs as "Countrycycles Of Steel" with a Country / Western vibe, then you employed the Reggae style of "Poseur No Cry", and the very Extreme inspired "More Than True Metal Of The Words".

• Baffo: My body says let us go, but my heart say... let us go!
  

MettleAngel: Uh... Ok! On this latest release there are some poppy cuts, and the hilarious dance techno version of "RAPsody" which is basically a happening cover of Rhapsody Of Fire's "Emerald Sword" - a song you also mocked with the ridiculously funny song "Emerald Fork". Some detractors feel that the band is not truly Metal, and maybe even mocking Metal, surely this is not the case. Care to explain to those who just do not get it.

• Gatto: The case is as follows. Five jerk-offs from Rome once realized that they could combine the two things they loved most - Heavy Metal and Fun - into a single project called "NanowaR Of Steel". We play Heavy Metal and we have fun. If you do not get it, well, then there is a thick body of psychiatric literature on the consequences of having a low IQ. It is not up to me to go any further into that.
  

MettleAngel: So you are saying if you are not Metal, than you are mental?

• Abdul: This is not the case, in fact the case is not this! This is only a case, not a personal computer!
  

MettleAngel: I will assuage and pursue a different cause. I guess the fact is either you get it or you do not, right?

• Uinona Raider: Oh sorry I have no time to answer, for I am cooking.
  

MettleAngel: Do you mean that literally, or figuratively? What are you concocting?

• Baffo: Get it, in the ass!
  

MettleAngel: Back to my case of inquiry, Rhapsody Of Fire, Blind Guardian, Gamma Ray, and Helloween all have released new albums this year. Most of these bands actually had quality releases. New Virgin Steele finally does not sound like Manowar, and surprisingly neither does new Ross The Boss. You have teased Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, what do you think of the new Accept album? Even Eddie Trunk considers it to be the Album Of The Year.

• Gatto: Except for the negligible detail that I did not listen to it - I consider it awesome! (Abdul): Yes, it is wonderful! Tomorrow I will listen to it for the first time!
  

MettleAngel: Hopefully, you will agree with the consensus, and view it as a true comeback.

• Baffo: Our dicks have the flavour of chocolate and vanilla. Other bands... they just Suck!
  

MettleAngel: Ok, Tell that to the ladies, not me! Who are Odino & Valhalla? What is with the break in the song which sounds like Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Explain to me the verse, "Lead us to Valhalla"?

• Abdul: Valhalla is a station of our underground. In the lyrics we report a dialogue we had with the driver of the train..... seriously!
  

MettleAngel: Oh so now you are being serious! No, I understand, and that does make more sense, well except the music which is clearly a Pink Floyd homage.

• Baffo: Odin is a Dj! Fernanduzzo, and nothing else matters!
  

MettleAngel: That would explain all the DJ clips, and interstitials all throughout the album. Hell I even hear the Shaggy Boombastic reference. Why do you use faux names, and are you deliberately parodying the late Vicious Rumors and Ruffians vocalist Carl Albert and the actress Winona Ryder? What is with the name Gatto Panceri 666?

• Gatto: Ahahahahah this is actually the funniest thing I have ever read. Our singer's name is REALLY Carlo Alberto and I do not even know who the fuck Ruffians and Vicious Rumours are!
  

MettleAngel: How can you not know about Vicious Rumors from California? Their vocalist Carl Albert who played on 'Digital Dictator', the '90 self-titled release, and 'Welcome To The Ball' died in a tragic car crash in 1995. I am pleased to know that you are not mocking him, and this is Potowotominimak's actual name. As far as Winona Laura Horowitz, who gives a shit!

• Abdul: I hate that you did not mention my name in this question, so I will answer with "blodrertoeterofludde".
  

MettleAngel: Sorry, Mr. Mohammed Abdul! What does that term mean?

• Baffo: I have played the baton in the Original Soundtrack for the famous movie "Meet Joe's Black Bloc".
  

MettleAngel: If you say so! Let us discuss your lyrics. Your witty choice of words and phrases is so entertaining. Just watching the video for the song "NanowaR" says it all. The words in the song "Blood Of The Queens" following the "The Nanowarrior's Prayer" have me pissing myself. "Our metal is true, and true metal wins Leads us to fly on absorbent wings: 166 tampax are drowned in the blood of the queens". Obviously 166 is a reference to your song 'Number Of The Bitch". I noticed that you also reference famous composers like Chopin and Schopenhauer, and the famous philosophers Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel and Immanuel Kant on the super fast track "Stormlord Of Power". Are you well versed in existential philosophy, or do you just watch too much "Monty Python's Flying Circus"?

• Gatto: I just like people whose name are Friedrich Wilhelm. For example: Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Kaiser Friedrich Wilhelm, Friedrich Wilhelm Feuerbach, Friedrich Wilhelm Hitler...
  

MettleAngel: Oh I get it!

• Abdul: Change your slips quickly!! (Baffo): I thought to myself, "Sidestep the question!"
  

MettleAngel: DJames Bond, Mr. Baffo, you seem to be avoiding me. Gatto, tell me a bit about your educational background. I understand that you have a Masters degree in Theoretical Particle Physics, correct? So does this make you a Dr. Sheldon Cooper or Dr. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter from the hit TV sit-com "Big Bang Theory"?

• Gatto: I have never seen a single episode of the "Big Bang Theory". Yes, I do hold a MSc in Theoretical Physics, and I am enrolled in a PhD program in the same field of knowledge. (Baffo): I know only the "Gang Bang Theory" sorry! (Gatto): Moreover, I am fluent in six foreign languages, and I have sex with the most beautiful top models everyday. Only one of the above statements is a lie, guess which one.
  

MettleAngel: Well we all know what a stud puppet you are with the dudes, so I congratulate on your multilingual talent. What languages might those be? NanowaR should do a song in several languages like Manowar attempted, but make it a cool one like "Metal-La-La-La!" I wish I had a translation for "Lamento Erotico".

• Abdul: I have a degree in chestnut cloning!!
  

MettleAngel: What pray tell the fuck is that! Moving on, even though it would appear that given the delicate nature of the material found in the lyrics, and your attitude, it would almost seem that the band comes off as being homophobic. I know that you are not. I am sure you are just making silly, whimsical songs. After all with lyrics like "Our metal's so strong, 'cos our dick is so long..." or... "For the Power, for the Glory, For the movie "Toy Story", For the "Hell On Stage Live", And Eiffel 65! Fight! Fight! Fight!" one can see it is all tongue in cheek.

• Gatto: Even though I am deeply committed to the cause of the Serbian nationalism, I do not sympathize with that movement's view on homosexuality.
  

MettleAngel: That is good to hear. I cannot believe I just said both tongue in cheek and comes off together in that last statement!

• Abdul: Yes mighty warrior, we all had sexual experiences with our teddy bears, which we are proud of!
  

MettleAngel: No not your teddy bears! Your over the top stance is like the new movie "Machete". The violence is so intense and cartoonish, that is becomes good, clean, friendly, violent fun, which has you laughing in the aisles. Care to comment.

• Baffo: The last movie I have seen in a cinema is "Batman Begins"...to break the balls!"
  

MettleAngel: Was that with Heath Ledger or Mark Hamill? It is a well known fact that the band changed their name to Nanowar Of Steel when Rhapsody became Rhapsody Of Fire, mainly because Joey DeMaio screwed them over.

• Baffo: Sure, but if you can not lick your ass you are not a cat. This is the world man.
  

MettleAngel: Call me the carpet king, and I do not lick cats! My wife Wendy spoke with Alex Staropoli earlier this year, and the band is still not legally allowed to comment on this issue. Interestingly enough, none of the members of Rhapsody Of Fire are bothered by Nanowar, not even the much maligned Luca Turilli. Alex was more upset by the death of Midnight from Crimson Glory, than he was by your take on "Emerald Sword". Have any other of the bands you parody ever commented on your songs?

• Gatto: Our lawyer forbids us to talk about this. Or, better stated: if we said something explicit on this point, then we would have to hire a lawyer who would forbid us to release any further comment on the point. Therefore, the result would be the same - except for the lawyer's parcel. Is my point clear?
  

MettleAngel: Yeah, as you beat around the bush, like Rhapsody of Fire, you can not comment at this time. Do Steve Harris and Bruce Dickinson know about "The Number Of The Bitch". I am sure they would find it hysterical, unless Steve is playing too much tennis, over-exerercising his right hand.

• Abdul: For the next album we want them playing with us (and with our ass, of course)!!
  

MettleAngel: I assume that you are all fans of Star Wars given the reference to being "D Jedis of the Universe". Are you like me, and a child at heart who will never grow up? I am totally digging the "Clone Wars" cartoon and reading all the books.

• Abdul: I like very much Star Wars, my favourite character is captain Kirk.
  

MettleAngel: Oh I though it was Darth Spock!

• Baffo: Yes, my favourite is "Star Wars Episode VII: Chewbacca Goes Wild With Two Chicks!"
  

MettleAngel: What a Wookie, he eats and chews all that fine tail on Kashyyyk!

• Gatto: I love "Star Whores", expecially the point in which Luke Skywalker fists Princess Leia with his laser sword.

MettleAngel: Why would Luke use his light saber on his sister, when he has a fake metal hand, which probably vibrates! I am amazed how well the album is produced. The sound is so crisp. It blows away new Lordi, and they had Michael Waegner manning the knobs. How did you achieve this sound?

• Abdul: By playing.
  

MettleAngel: With your knobs, or your instruments? Does each member play of variety of musical instruments, besides the skin flute?

• Baffo: The mixer helped out too! (Gatto): Oh yeah, and Money also really helped.
  

MettleAngel: You actually have money? I though you spent that on your surprise love interests. You always allow free downloads of your albums, so how do you create your abundance? Does the band ever plan to tour outside of Italy? Would you ever consider coming to America, Neil Diamond style?

• Abdul: Yes, in the future we will make a tour to Lichtestein and we played Andorra yesterday! (Gatto): Looking ahead we have these dates confirmed: 12.11.2010 - Zuerich (CH), 13.11.2010 -Villach, 18.03.2010 - Torino, 19.03.2010 - Prato. Also, I will present the NanoNote (Nanowar's notebook) and 'Into Gay Pride Ride' at the Raven Metal Bar in Barcelona, on Friday the 19th of November.
  

MettleAngel: Holy shit that is my 42nd Birthday!

• Baffo: You hate us so much?
  

MettleAngel: What are you thinking? I do not hate you, but I do not love you like you want me to either.

• Gatto: I would like to make a tour of internationally unrecognized counties like: Kosovo, Taiwan, North Cyprus, etc. That would be awesome!
  

MettleAngel: Indeed it would be! Is the recording of the 'Naples' album really live, or just you guys playing with yourselves in the studio?

• Baffo: Yes! Dead would have been impossible!
  

MettleAngel: I mean did you perform it in front of a live audience, and then record it for your fans?

• Abdul: Yes, except the drums, guitars, basses, and vocals, of course... (keyboards are played live, but they are silent in all our concerts).
  
  

MettleAngel: That explains why I never hear the keeper of those seven keys. How might one purchase a copy of the new CD? Is there going to be a vinyl pressing? This will definitely be one of my favourite albums of the year, as Steel Panther was for 2009.

• Abdul: Sure, just go to our website www.nanowar.it.
  

MettleAngel: Why because NanowaR did it!

• Abdul: You can order it, or if you prefer go to a sexy shop, instead.
  

MettleAngel: Should I get more videos and hotter stuff of porn? What can we expect in the future from NanowaR? Are any more Metal videos being produced? You can keep your own gay porn for your own collection.

• Baffo: As I say, "Follow the White Rabbi".
  

MettleAngel: Is he a slick Jew filled with grace? Honestly, I would love to see you do a cool video for "Blood Of The Queens". Oh and just to be sure when the young lad says, "Grandfather who were those Women?", the proper response is that they are "The Metal Queers", or is it "Metal Queens"?

• Abdul: The response is, "Attack Kamchatka from Jacuzia with three tanks!"
  

MettleAngel: Oh I thought it was something else. I guess it gets lost in the translation, but the parody of Manowar is definitely there, even musically down to the last touch. If Joey ever finds out, you will beface his black arrow of death!

• Gatto: Who were those...They were the Spice T-Girls!
  

MettleAngel: Are they the ones who fly on 166 super absorbent Tampax pads?

• Gatto: In the sky!
  

MettleAngel: Just so you know, right after Happy Halloween, the unholiday season will be creeping in on us all. Will there be another festive Christmas with Nanowar? Will you be making any more snowmen shaped like Rob Halford, paying careful attention to where you insert the carrot. I can not believe Halford had a Christmas album last year! At least his new album 'Halford IV - Made Of Metal' is decent, and all new material.

• Abdul: Let us hope it is so! We are just waiting to again have Santa Claus fill our socks (see the lyric to know how)!!

MettleAngel: I know, because he puts in it his big fat Christmas cock....

• Abdul: Inside them we find the... inspiration for our Christmas songs.
  

MettleAngel: So this is where all the warm, gooey inspiration originates!

• Baffo: When you build a snowman with Rob Halford, you should hope he just eats the carrot if you do not see it.
  

MettleAngel: I will not be making an Judas Snow beasts! Guys, or should I say, gays, thank you for pulling my chain, and for having a bit of fun! The new album rules! I hope this interview brings you a wider audience, and more True Metal Fans. I will be reviewing the CD for the same site where I wrote the review for 'Other Bands Play, Nanowar Gay!' www.metalcdratings.com.

• Gatto: Thank You for your support!

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